Intro by Mr 15HWW
This is the 400th post of this blog so it’s pretty special to get a 4000-word article from the Mrs.
Honestly, I was initially quite apprehensive about sharing this. I am an Asian male after all and I am less than semi-anonymous these days. But the Mrs put up a good case on using this platform to reach out to readers who are on the same journey as us.
The Mrs actually took more than a week to pen this long entry, so read on!
Choosing to Share Our Fertility Journey
For our 10th year ROM Anniversary post, Mr 15HWW and I would like to share our Trying To Conceive (TTC) journey so that anyone who comes across this blogpost and is struggling with conceiving, we have your back.
It is understandable why most couples keep their TTC, infertility, IVF and miscarriage experiences to themselves. In an Asian society, we tend to share only the good news but hide the not-so-good ones. However, in doing so, we are putting more stress on ourselves. TTC is an arduous journey and doing it alone does not help.
If you had watched Bridgerton on Netflix (I finished the whole season in 2 days during the New Year long weekend), Daphne, the lead actress, did not know how a baby came about and had to ask her lady’s maid to explain to her. Mind you, this drama was set in 1813 when sex education was not taught in school. Two centuries later, when 11-year-old children are learning about reproductive systems in school, fertility is still very much a taboo subject in our society.
Want to know how to make baby? Watch Bridgerton.
We hope that by sharing our story, we can help to encourage honest and shame-free conversations about fertility. By doing so, couples who face fertility issues can seek help earlier and contribute to Singapore’s birth rate. (kee chiu!)
Seeking Medical Help
After trying for more than a year with no success back in 2017, we decided to go for a fertility check. Going to a public hospital was the first route we considered due to the subsidies we would enjoy as Singapore citizens.
First, we went to a polyclinic to get a referral letter to get an appointment with a fertility doctor in a government hospital.
Be prepared with information like how long you have been married for (actually took us a few moments to count the years in front of the doctor), how long you have been TTC and which hospital you would like to be referred to. We chose KK Women’s and Children’s Hospital (KKH) as it was the most convenient for us. Also, as a hospital specialising in women and children, we believed we could not go wrong with it.
The polyclinic then arranged a first appointment for us at the hospital, which was a couple of months later. In view of the current Covid-19 situation, the wait for first appointment could be longer now.
As I am considered a subsidised patient (I used “I” because the case file is opened under my name, not the husband’s), we could not choose the doctor at KKH. However, we have been incredibly lucky with the doctors we have come across so far. More on that later.
The Diagnosis
The first appointment was a diagnostic session, with the doctor asking questions and arranging for us to go for various tests:
For the lady
Blood tests
Anti-Mullerian Hormone (AMH) – to assess ovarian reserve, the potential number of egg cells a woman has left. In case you are not aware, a woman is born with a finite number of egg cells. Once the egg cells are used up, menopause kicks in.
Follicle Stimulating Hormone (FSH) and Progesterone – to determine if a woman is ovulating.
Transvaginal scans
A sonographer will insert a long wand into the vaginal to view images of the uterus and ovaries mapped out by ultrasound. There will be a full bladder and empty bladder scan, so make sure you check with the sonographer before making the trip to the toilet.
The sonographer will put a condom over the wand and apply some gel.
PAP Smear
To detect cervical cancer, other problems with the cervix or sexually transmitted diseases. Women should really perform this test every 3 years as part of regular health checks.
Hysterosalpingography (HSG)
The most unforgettable scan for me was the Hysterosalpingography (HSG). HSG is for checking whether the fallopian tubes are blocked or if there are any defects in the uterus. The test is usually done by injecting a liquid dye through the vagina with the sonographer taking a series of ultrasound imageries.
It is supposed to be a painless process, but for some reason, I almost blacked-out during this scan and had to be kept under observation for a few hours. I suspect the sonographer took too long to take the pictures and the discomfort made my blood pressure plunge.
For the man
Sperm analysis
The man is given a small container and led to the toilet to do their business. Once done, they will submit their “homework” for analysis.
That’s all the man has to do……
It turned out that I have many small little cysts in my womb, but none are big enough to be a major concern. Also, I have mild Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS), which means I might not ovulate on certain months. While the mister’s tiny weany soldiers did not pass with flying colours, they were considered average among the Singaporean population.
The Treatment – Beginner Level
Depending on the individual’s condition, the doctor will recommend different treatment methods. For us, as we were still considered young (just past 30 then) with no major issues, the least invasive method was recommended. An oral medication, Clomid, was prescribed to help with ovulation. We were to “make love” regularly and let nature takes its course.
Sounds like a sound advice, but many people have taken it out of context. I’m pretty sure Bruce Lee doesn’t just bum around doing nothing and just hope that his fighting skills level up. We still have to do our part.
After 3 months of oral medication, Auntie Flo still came to report every month without fail.
At our 3rd review at KKH, I asked the doctor if we should consider In vitro fertilization (IVF) at this stage. His reply was,
“Are you ready for it?”
I was intimidated by his response. I had no idea how ready I had to be to go for it, so I cowardly kept quiet and went with his suggestion to try another 2 months of Clomid treatment. On hindsight, we wasted 2 precious months.
The Treatment – Intermediate Level
At the 4th review, the doctor recommended Intrauterine Insemination (IUI), which is less invasive as compared to IVF. In IUI, the sperm will be “washed” and a concentrated amount of it will be inserted directly into the uterus around ovulation period. Basically, a planned sex minus the fun.
However, by then, almost a year had passed since our first visit to the Polyclinic. I was feeling frustrated and impatient. Not surprisingly, I ignored the doctor’s recommendation of an intermediate treatment and opted straight for IVF.
Is it really light at the end of the tunnel? Or does it link to another tunnel?
The Treatment – Advance Level
As preparation for IVF, we were required to go for a counselling session where the nurses and doctors will brief us on the treatment process, finances outlay and subsidies available to us. The session was not free though and it cost us $200+ (this was the price 2 years ago). I am not sure if this is applicable for NUH and SGH, so do check with the hospitals to confirm.
The briefing was done in July 2018. We were scheduled to start the IVF procedure in the following month. However, it coincided with our peak work period with final year exams approaching. Being a responsible tutor to my students and a novice at IVF, we made the call to delay till November. We even squeezed in a 3D2N trip to Bangkok to pray at the Erawan Shrine for success.
Many said their wishes come true after praying here. Have you tried it before?
Cliché as it may sound, Murphy’s law struck when we were all ready to start IVF. Auntie Flo did not skip a single time that year, but she chose to be late that month. KKH closes their IVF clinic and lab every December for cleaning and we missed their cut-off date.
So, we had to delay again.
During this period of waiting, someone told us to go to Japan to pray at their fertility temples. We took it as a sign from the Universe to fulfil our dream of visiting Japan before we have a child. So off we went to Japan during the Sakura season.
Finally, in May 2019, we started our first cycle of IVF.
Stimulation
Injections
The first part of IVF is to stimulate the growth of follicles, aka the eggs. There are different types of injections in the market and the doctor will recommend the one most suitable for you.
The injections were not as painful as I thought. But to mix the drugs and put it into the syringe was very stressful. Reminded me of school days spent in Science doing Chemistry experiments under my teacher’s watchful eyes.
During these 10 days or so, I led a life of a junkie. I was most afraid of needles, yet I endured 20+ jabs during that 2 weeks. Luckily, Mr 15HWW was a medic in army and had prior experience with injections. Otherwise, I don’t think I could have done it on myself. We even made a bet on whether I could inject myself by the end of this stimulation period. I came so close to winning the bet on the 2nd last day!
To have an idea of how many needles I used, you can multiply the number of needles seen here by x3.
The Diet
In a normal month, we develop only 1 egg to maturity. But during IVF, we are priming multiple eggs, so our body needs lots of nutrients and protein. The nurses at KKH told me to eat 2 eggs every day, take my folic acid and lots of water. It was much later when I learnt from another lady that her private practice doctor advised her to take protein powder and 9 egg whites every day! 9 egg whites! I really don’t know how to stomach that. She also started taking some other supplements before stimulation which I did not. That was when I realised how ill-prepared we were.
Tracking
While doing the injections, we must report to the hospital every other day to track the development of the follicles. A transvaginal scan will be done by a sonographer, who will measure and read out loud the size of each follicle on both sides of the ovaries. Just imagine an announcer reading aloud the 4D winning numbers. This is followed by a brief consultation with the doctor for a quick review and if there is a need to adjust the medication.
A typical trip to the hospital would take at least 45 minutes or up to 2 hours on a busy day. So arm yourself with a fully charged phone or power bank. You can expect to visit the hospital at least 6-8 times during this 2-3 weeks period.
Emotions
All the blogs and articles I read warned me of mood swings, fatigue, anxiety and headache during this phase. To our surprise, I experienced little of these. The more obvious side effect was probably weight gain. I gained 2kg during these 2 weeks of stimulation and went on to gain another 2kg after egg retrieval. Throughout this period, it was work as usual and meeting up with friends and family like we always do. (My parents did not know we had begun IVF treatment then. No one knew except us.)
Trigger Shot
When the doctor is satisfied with the size of the follicles, it is time for the trigger shot injection to release the eggs. This injection must be done precisely 36 hours before the scheduled egg retrieval procedure.
My egg retrieval was scheduled at 2pm on a Friday. Which means my trigger shot was to be administered at 2am on Thursday morning. I was extremely upset that I had to do this shot at such unearthly hour. I called the clinic multiple times to ask for an earlier slot, but no means no. Looking back, it was a small issue, but I was so triggered then (pun intended). It must have been the doings of the hormones swimming in my body.
Egg Retrieval (ER)
Preparation
The egg retrieval is a relatively quick procedure, which usually takes about 20-30 minutes. A needle is inserted through the vaginal wall into the ovaries and gentle suction is used to pull out the egg from the follicles. Sedation will be administered to minimise discomfort. As such, fasting is required for 12 hours prior to egg retrieval.
The day before the procedure, I was frantically looking up information as the idea of sedation was very daunting. What if the sedation were not sufficient and I could feel the needle going through! Google and YouTube were my 2 best friends that night. In Singapore, we are not allowed to take pictures and videos in the clinic, so you will not be able to find anything online. I had to depend on overseas videos to have a better idea of what to expect than the vague guide the nurse gave me. After watching 3-4 videos, I felt more prepared for what was to come.
The next day, we reported at KKIVF@three, a relatively new IVF facility (opened in 2018) with improved laboratory facilities and a less clinical décor.
KKIVF@three was newly opened in January 2018 [Credits: Image taken from KKH Facebook page]
It almost felt like we had graduated from hell to heaven! (the usual IVF clinic where we do the scans and consultation is at Level B1 hiding in one corner while KKIVF@three is at Level 3)
When it was our turn, the nurse passed me a robe to change into. In the toilet, I met a lady who had completed her ER. No word was exchanged between us, but a quick glance and a silent nod said it all.
Seeing her able to walk around the toilet unassisted in her shorts gave me the assurance I will be able to walk out of this procedure alive. I moved on to the waiting area and tried to distract myself with the replay of last evening’s Wheel of Fortune. Just as Pat Sajak was about to make the last spin, a nurse came to insert an IV drip catheter.
The Mister’s Role
ER day was also the day Mr 15HWW finally had an important role to play. The husband was to empty his sperm 3 days prior to ER and then conserve the soldiers for D-day. While I was preparing for ER, Mr 15HWW was given a small container and shown to a private room to do his business. According to him, the room has a sofa and a toilet.
In case you are wondering, there was no magazine in the room to help them do the deed. Unless your other half has a great imagination, a fully charged handphone with sufficient mobile data should be prepared. When Mr 15HWW had completed his task, he passed the container to the lab via a sliding pigeon hole and then had the audacity to go shopping thereafter to pass the time!
Finally… The Precious
Back in the Operating Theatre, he nurses had set-up me up nicely in centre stage with drapes of cloth to cover me as the place was freezing. However, my assigned doctor was held up. A very friendly anesthetist was seated beside me and I am thankful for the small talks he initiated to distract me from staring at the machines and tools in the room.
The stage where the retrieval process takes place. [Credits: Image taken from KKH Facebook page]
When the doctor finally arrived, the operating light was switched on and a furry of actions started to take place. I vaguely remembered the doctor said,
“I will see you in a few days’ time when the eggs are ready for transfer”
Then I was asked to count from 1 to 10, but I only managed to last till 3!
When I woke up 30 minutes later, it was slightly after 3pm. I had not eaten anything the whole day so when the nurse suggested Milo and biscuits, it was music to my ears. Usually after 1-2 hours of observation, if all is well, we can get changed and leave.
Yay, I walked out alive unassisted in my shorts too!
However, that evening I was still feeling the after-effects of sedation so I spent the rest of the day lying down on the sofa and drinking lots of 100-Plus to prevent Ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (OHSS).
The Report Card
Usually, the hospital will issue 2 weeks of hospitalisation leave for us to rest and recuperate. However, being self-employed, a day off means a day’s loss in income. I felt fine the next day and since my work is non-strenuous, I went ahead. Over the next few days, work was a welcome distraction.
I kept my phone close from 9am-6pm, waiting for the call from the laboratory. Finally, on the 5th day, they called!
In summary, we had:
- 21 eggs extracted
- 16 matured eggs
- 8 successfully fertilised
- 5 blastocysts (Day 5 embryo)
However, as I developed OHSS due to over stimulation of the ovaries, the embryos were frozen and stored till I was ready to receive them.
Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET)
2 months later, when my OHSS symptoms had subsided, we went for our first FET. The idea of a frozen cycle is to mimic a normal pregnancy cycle as closely as possible. An ovulation test was done every morning to track ovulation and I had to visit KKH every other day to scan for development of the follicles (in case the urine test fails) and lining of the womb (needs to be thick and cosy for the embryo to implant). Once ovulated, a minor procedure to transfer the frozen egg to the womb was set 5 days later.
On 28 June 2019, our first frozen embryo was finally transferred to my womb.
Two Weeks Wait (TWW)
The next 2 weeks were the worst to get by.
I minimized movement and tried to rest as much as I could. I googled every little twitch and cramp I felt. The days felt like weeks.
Mr 15HWW treated me like queen during these 2 weeks. We term this the PUPO Status (Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise). He put up with my lack of contribution to housework and tried his best to satisfy my food cravings and even patted me to sleep on most nights when I could not sleep well. He totally deserves the “Best Husband Award”.
During these 2 weeks, I debated whether to do a pregnancy test or not. Doctors usually advise us not to as it’s early days and the urine test might not be sensitive enough to reflect the pregnancy, causing even more distress to ourselves.
I cheated and tested. It was negative.
Blood Test
At the end of the 2 weeks, a trip was made to KKH once again for a blood test. I went early in the morning at 8am and was asked to wait for 3-4 hours for the results to be out.
As I thought the chances were not high, Mr 15HWW did not go with me and I had arranged to meet my cousin for lunch instead.
4 hours later, I received a call from KKH IVF Centre and the nurse said,
“According to your blood test results, you are pregnant. Please come down to KKH to collect your medicine after lunch.”
What?!
I immediately logged in to Health Hub to check the test results, screenshot it and sent it to Mr 15HWW.
He called me “What does it mean?” Don’t men know how to google?
“It’s positive!”
Sidenote: Health Hub is a very useful app that you can use to view your blood test results even before the nurse calls you. Applies to non-IVF tests too.
I went to KKH with my cousin to collect the medicine. Both of us started crying in front of the nurse as she was explaining the medicine I had to take. She knew how difficult it was for me to get pregnant and they were tears of joy.
ANOTHER Two Weeks Wait (TWW)
We were scheduled for our first scan 2 weeks later. It was the best 2 weeks I had. Every morning I woke up with a spring in my steps. My appetite was getting bigger and I’ve never felt happier about gaining weight. We did not tell anyone else about the pregnancy, not even my parents, as Mr 15HWW felt it was too early to share the news. (Side story: A vegetable seller whom we frequent at the market asked me one day out of the blue if I was pregnant. I was so taken by surprise with his question that I gave a knee jerked “No” as answer.)
We thought our hard work and patience had finally paid off.
The Black Hole
On the day of the scan, the sonographer took longer than I had expected. I kept staring at the screen in front of me, waiting to see our little one. But all we saw was a black hole on the TV.
The sonographer couldn’t find the foetus.
After a few hours of anxious waiting, the doctor ordered for more tests and scans to be done the next day.
Still nothing.
We were advised to wait for another 2 weeks for another round of scanning to confirm the fate of our first embryo.
Our world crashed overnight, but the rest of the world did not stop revolving. My students were about to have their PSLE and life had to go on as usual in the day. However, things were different at night. I never knew I could cry so much. Mr 15HWW saw the pain I was in and he cried with me.
2 weeks later, after much tears and Googling, we began to accept that the pregnancy was not to be. The doctor did the scan personally that last time and sealed the fate of our first embryo.
We had a blighted ovum.
Goodbyes
As it was not a viable pregnancy, we had to choose to either let nature takes its course and wait for it to expel or we could induce a miscarriage. I chose the latter. At that moment, I just wanted to restart the cycle ASAP. We still had 4 frozen embryos and we did not wish to waste any more time. We were given the medication and told to use it when we were ready.
That night, we phoned my parents to break the bad news to them. We must have given them a scare as there was so much to take in. The next day, we said our goodbyes to the little one. The process of doing so gave us some closure.
The doctor said the medication should take effect 2-3 hours later. However, after 3 hours had passed, I did not feel anything different. Since I had to wait and did not want to be alone at home, I went for lesson as usual, against Mr 15HWW’s advice. (Till today, I still couldn’t believe I went to work despite inducing a miscarriage! What was I thinking?)
Later that afternoon, 6 hours after taking the medication, I finally felt some cramps. Right after lessons, I limped to my parents’ place and collapsed on the sofa. The doctor had given me 2 types of painkillers – mild and extra strong. I overestimated my pain tolerance level and took only the mild one. I quickly fumbled for the extra strong painkiller, but it was too late. The contractions had kicked in and I had no choice but to ride on the waves of pain. The pain lasted 3 hours.
And that was it for our first IVF attempt.
Try again
After the loss of our first pregnancy, I prayed to God to spare us the pain, if the pregnancy is not meant to be. 3 months after our first loss, we mustered the courage and went for our 2nd FET. It was negative this time.
During Circuit Breaker period, IVF was considered as a time-sensitive medical procedure, so we took the opportunity to do our 3rd FET on 4th May 2020. I thought it was a good sign that the FET was on this day, you know, may the force be with us. But it was negative again. Maybe someone up there had heard my prayer afterall.
Our 3rd embryo.
After each failed transfer, I hid the pictures somewhere I couldn’t see nor find. This is the only one I managed to find. This 3rd embryo did not fully expand after they thawed it, so it looks like a mess in this pic, moments before it was transferred into my womb.
Happily Ever After
If you are expecting a pregnancy announcement at the end of long story, I’m sorry to disappoint you.
However, through this journey, Mr15HWW and I had learnt the true meaning of the wedding vows we took 10 years ago – to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health.
Mr 15HWW can be an uber rational guy, with the habit of “attaching probabilities to future events” coursing through his veins. He has influenced me to set zero expectations. At this point in time, he believes the odds of us having a baby is lower than a 50/50 bet. We are not giving up though, at least, not yet! #fingerscrossed
Regardless, our marriage will stay strong and a life without children will also produce its own perks. Happy 10th Year ROM Anniversary to us!
Thanks for reading.
Thank you so much for sharing, and much respect to the energy, effort and resilience you both have shown. Things will work out in its own way and own time. All the best, and very glad you have each other to hold on to tru this time.
Hi HY, thank you for your kind words. You are right, I can’t wish for a better partner to support me through this period. He made it all worth it =)
Thanks Mrs 15HWW for sharing these experiences. As a woman, I can empathise with what you have gone through. Please know that you are not alone in your journey; you have your husband with you and definitely this experience is shared by many women in this world. Continue to be committed to this marriage and possibly someday in 2021 and in the next few years, you could suddenly end up being pregnant (I have seen it before). For now, channel your positive energies to the world around you. All the best to you and Mr 15HWW!
Hi Jomel, thank you! We hope this post will send positive energy to the world as well!
I went through IVF too (2 cycles) and failed the first full cycle, but succeeded at the second cycle. There are some legit, strong online support groups for SG women undergoing IVF , if your Mrs is keen to join let me know. We discuss everything from stim injections to supplements to doctors.
Hihi, I am in some of the support groups as well! Glad that you have graduated from this journey. Can’t wait to join you and many others too!
Thank you for sharing your journey.
I just went through my first cycle and it failed. Have just been curling up and crying for days. We didn’t manage to freeze any other embryos as there was none available. So it feels like we’ve lost the only chance we had. An ex colleague who is a doctor, advised me to look up at some support groups. Would really appreciate if you could let me know some as it’s really not easy finding Asians sharing about their journey. It would be very helpful for me to build up some strength before I make up my mind to go through all the pain again. Thank you in advance.
Hi Priya, you can search for Singapore IVF Support Group on FB or fertilitysupport.sg on IG. I’ve learnt alot from these 2 platforms and got to know a few ladies who now form my support group. IVF is a journey that not many can understand. But it will reveal the strengths you never knew you had. Stay strong, hope for the best but prepare for the worst. You can do it!
– Mrs 15HWW
Hello, Can i join the group too. Am starting my 3rd fresh cycle this september and would like as much support as possible.
I honestly cannot thank you enough for sharing your story. Someone on Twitter had shared your post after I tweeted about our fertility struggles. I also thought for a long time about how to approach this topic, and decided for the same reason that you did – someone else may find it comforting.
I’m in Taiwan and we are currently going through our first round of IVF. I’m so sorry you haven’t found success. Your courage gives me strength. Fingers crossed that good news is ahead for us in 2021.
Hi Wendy, when I was undergoing stimulations, it was really comforting to read about others’ experiences and know that we are not alone. However, it was not easy to find Asian version. Sadly, this is a journey experienced by many others, but shared openly only by a few.
All the best to your IVF journey, hope that 2021 will be kinder and grant us our wishes!
Hi Mr and Mrs 15HWW,
I am sorry to hear what you two went through, especially the Mrs. Both me and my wife sought consultation with a fertility clinic many years ago. We were lucky. My wife got pregnant later without further help from the clinic. I deeply hope the same thing happens to both of you.
Do take care of yourselves physically and mentally as well. This is one of the things that can plunge a person into mental depression, especially the woman. It is easy to feel down when a person sees other couples conceiving effortlessly, yet it remains elusive to him/her despite trying so hard. Don’t give up. A pleasant surprise may be along the way. Even if Little 15HWW remains elusive, Mrs 15HWW has the “Best Husband Award” winner as her husband.
Do update the good news on this blog after Little 15HWW is born.
Hi hyom, thank you for your concern on my mental health. TTC is really exhausting on the mind. After every failed cycle, I had to take a while to heal (or sulk) before I can be usual self again. At this stage, I’ve gone beyond envying others’ ease in conceiving. I just want to focus on myself and nothing else matters.
Hello Mrs 15HWW,
Thanks for sharing! Ur post made me write my first ever comment here.
I can understand how arduous the journey is, with my 5 year journey of TCC. I went thru every single procedure from medication to IVF with at least 3 known losses and was all dejected and defeated after four years. I even went thru all possible tests to rule out all other causes. I didn’t hold any hope at all when I transferred my last 2 frozen blastocysts. I just want to ‘complete’ the process and not have any frozen embryos left.
God’s plan is amazing and the last cycle gave me my twin girls. It turn out that I had a condition that require me to be on blood thinners during my pregnancy. It’s still bitter sweet and I’ll always remember all my 3 lost babies up to today.
Sending you lots of hugs and encouragement!
Hi Ac, I know what you mean. Looks like our experience is very similar. We are also left with last 2 frozen embryos. Hopefully we’ll have the same luck as you! XOXO
Hello Mrs 15HWW,
Thanks for sharing your story.
You might want to give TCM a try.
Will recommend Dr Su in Fu Nan TCM at #01-266, 152 Bukit Batok Street 11, S650152
Lots of youngster went there too.
Hi CDxD, it’s not mentioned in the post (as it’s already very long), but we have also tried many alternative methods. Fertility massage, TCM, herbal drink, we have tried it all. There’s a very famous TCM at AMK call Zou Yumin, their success rate is supposedly very high, but it didn’t work out for us. I’m now seeing Physicial Ho Chin Ee at Thomson Chinese Medicine. She’s about my age, so we can relate well and the sessions with her are very stress-free.
Thank you for the sharing. It struck a strong chord with me. We have done 4 ER, 6 fresh+frozen transfers, lost 9 embryos ,never pregnant . I even wondered if having been pregnant and miscarried is better than never ever been pregnant before.
Meanwhile everyone around I know who had to do ivf all have successful births. We are the failure statistics.
We are adopting a baby now, the stress of adoption process is different but not less than infertility. I still wish frequently that our journey to having children is just as easy as having sex.
Hi Sc, be careful of what you wish for. On the positive side, at least you are spared the misery of having to go through miscarriage. That episode had left a deep scar in me and a few other friends who had gone through it.
The mister and I have toyed with the idea of adoption, but our eventual decision was a no go. Hope you will have a smooth adoption process. All the best!
Thank you for the sharing. It struck a strong chord with me. We have done 4 ER, 6 fresh+frozen transfers, lost 9 embryos ,never pregnant . I even wondered if having been pregnant and miscarried is better than never ever been pregnant before. Meanwhile everyone around I know who had to do ivf all have successful births. We are the failure statistics. We are adopting a baby now, the stress of adoption process is different but not less than infertility. I still wish frequently that our journey to having children is just as easy as having sex.
Dear 15hww
That’s what my friends who went through miscarriages said too. I did pray that if it’s not meant to be, pls don’t let anything happen. I wonder what’s the point of giving us 9 embryos.
All the best to you. Try to find happiness in other aspects of life!
Btw can you pls delete my (repeated) post above with my photo ? For privacy reason. Thanks!
Thank you for sharing your experience through this journey. It was clear, easy and enjoyable to read; I could relate to many parts of it, and I believe it would also help other couples as well. So, thank you. Wishing you and your husband all the best.
Hi June, thank you for your kind words.
Hello Mrs 15HWW
Thanks for sharing your journey with us. Your post gave me insight to the physical and mental anxieties a couple face in their IVF journey. Sending you lots of hugs and encouragement. Hope 2021 will bring you some great news.
Hi Evelyn, you brought up another point that I didn’t really touch on in my post. As I am a self-employed, I have the flexibility in managing my time and rest days if I need to. For ladies who are formally employed, they still have to face stress at work while TTC. I recalled a lady asking for help in a support group because her HR told her that Hospital Leave for IVF is not recognised by the company! What is the HR personnel even thinking? It’s a legit Hospital Leave from a Public Hospital! How could they deny her of her leave just because she’s doing IVF?
So to everyone reading this, if you are managing staff who is seeking treatment for fertility, please be a little more supportive k. It’s not as simple as having sex everyday (that’s another misconception btw).
Hi Mr & Mrs 15HWW,
Thank you for sharing this very private journey, and I am sorry to hear that the outcome was not more favourable.
Hope you both stay positive and hopeful.
Big hugs to the both of you for sharing your experience and love for the very tough journey that you’ve gone through, and are still going through. I pray for peace, hope and a Little One for the both of you. ❤
Thank you for detailing your entire journey so clearly despite the setbacks, hurdles and delays. I documented my journey too at https://twoweekswait.wordpress.com/ because the pain from each failure snowballed and it was just too much to bear. I often felt so beaten, bruised and filled with anger hence I figured an outlet to vent would be better. I’m sorry that there’s no happy news at the end of the long post but I’m glad you haven’t given up trying. If KKH is not working for you, try Centre for Assisted Reproductive Centre. You can say that Huiling or Lyn recommended you. I, too, have PCOS and cysts. I even have Grave’s Disease, adenomyosis and endometriosis. The protocols taken by the fertility specialists I’ve gone to are run of the mills. I’ve went from KKH to SGH then to Gleneagles, TMC and also Raffles. Some of the methods they suggest are invasive and may not guarantee success. I truly felt that I was well taken care of at CARE. I wish you all the best and I hope to hear good news from you in time to come. Cheers.
Hi Lyn! Wondering how many fresh & FET cycles did you go through to BFP?
This story must be very heart-wrenthing to finish. But I believe there will always be happiness going forward. Try to be as relaxed as possible (possibly 3D2N staycation where u have each other’s company), and eat more steak, oyster and ginseng in the meanwhile. Hope it will boost your fertility and have good news in 2021!!
Thank you for sharing your story. While I may not have kids and never intend to have any, I am sure that many people will benefit from reading your story.
Thank you for sharing your story.. (: If you don’t mind me asking, could I know what was the overall cost for one cycle?
Thank you for sharing your story. We are also on TTC journey for awhile.
My relative also tried to conceive for a few years and was prepared to do IVF until she was recommended a TCM practitioner Ms Tan Siew Buoy (Chen Qiu Mei) who is a lecturer at NTU TCM and decided to give it a shot. My relative did get pregnant shortly after.
The waiting list to see Ms Tan is long as she has to juggle between conducting lectures in school as well. I called in in January and the earliest slot I was given is in April next month.
http://www.tcm.ntu.edu.sg/staff/Pages/CONSULTANT-PHYSICIANS.aspx
I pray for success for you and your husband no matter which alternative both of you choose, and may all the hard work be be fruitful one day. All the best. <3
Thank you so much for sharing its a great help and insight for a lot of people . All the best.
Thanks kk =)
Hi, thanks for sharing your journey . I was looking online for articles on IVF to relate to my current experiences when I chanced upon your blog.
I just had my very first IVF in April. I started strong with 19 follicles but it was downward spiral from then onwards.
On egg retrieval day, after waking up, I was told I only had 6 eggs retrieved. Following day, I was told only 3 eggs matured and 1 egg fertilised. On day 2 , the embryologist called and said the cells spilt and have a chance of freezing my only egg.
Finally on day 3, which is today, I was told the my only egg did not make it and I don’t have any for freezing.
I cried the whole day as I did not expect this end result with 19 follicles at the start.
Still, I am gathering my spirits up and hope to have a 2nd try in future.
Xoxo ,
Sing
Hi Sing, if it makes you feel any better, I’ve gone through 4 frozen transfers and still no bun in the oven. Even after bfp, there’s still many obstacles to overcome. We will never feel at ease until our baby is in our arms. And even so, a new set of challenges will greet us then. Don’t give up, this is only your first cycle. Keep your spirits up and start preparing for your second cycle. Start taking supplements and exercise to make your body stronger! Do remind your husband to take supplements too! Baby dusts to us all!
– Mrs 15HWW
Thank you Mrs 15HWW for sharing your journey.
I just self-induced an abortion after a miss miscarriage at our 2nd fresh IVF attempt yesterday.
We found out that the embryo did not have a heartbeat at 8w4days old during our 2nd ultrasound scan. Our Christmas season baby is not meant to be.
We were downcast cos we have been trying for several years.
Yet, we know that if the baby is not meant to be viable, it is more important to let it go then to find out later on in the journey.
We could see the embryo’s hands, head, eyes and limbs in the expelled pregnancy sac.
We prayed, released the embryo and said our goodbyes.
It is never an easy journey and for all who are on or thinking of the IVF journey.
It is important to know and accept that the odds are high. Yet, there are still success stories around.
It takes mental, emotional and financial strength to press on in this journey and you do grow stronger as a family through the experience.
Life brings reinforced meaning when you experience the process of IVF cos we become so in tune with each step of the baby’s development through all the tests and scans.
Every step of the journey felt like stepping on egg shells too cos we knows the odds are high.
Every scan comes with heart palpitations and the big “What if?”
Indeed, every child that is borne is truly a gift. And I pray that those who get to read this post will know that you are made for a reason and life is precious.
Hang in there everyone. Everything happens for a reason, even though we may not get to understand all the “Whys?”
May you find the strength and meaning in your journey to cherish all that is in and around you.
Thank you LW171221 for sharing.
Hi, thank you for sharing your story. A bit of myself, i got married in 2014 and was diagnosed with ectopic pregnancy which I did not know that I was pregnant at all. We then tried to conceive for 5 years before trying IVF in 2018. I even had my fallopian tube removed. Did 1 fresh and 1 frozen cycle and both was negative. Laid low and sad for a few years and now mustered up the courage to give it a try again. My next appt is on 17 June at KKH (Subsides) I pray that all couples who are trying to have a baby be given a miracle one day 🙂
Hi Farah, could you share with me how Long was the wait time between requesting for a polyclinic referral and getting an appointment please?
And thank you to MRS 15HWW for sharing your journey. I am embarking on the IVF journey too and your story helps to set expectations… hope you succeed soon!
Hi Enoki,
Typically it will take about 2 months to get an appointment. But heard from some ladies that the waiting time recently is longer now.
I will suggest that you start the journey with no expectation and just follow the flow. Baby dusts to us all!
Thank you Mrs 15HWW for sharing your story. it made me cry the moment I read your positive result 2wks after FET. Although it didn’t eventually came to fruition. I could relate to your pain and the joy you had and the sorrow that came. most ppl who encouraged me to go IVF are success cases or had their children. less ppl share about their failures and you are really strong and resilient. I don’t know how I can face this when I only had an aborted cycle with sgh and I felt already so affected in my darkest pit and even reading this could stir up so much within. I’m considering if I should retry this with sgh or nuh or kkh…Perhaps all things will eventually work out good for those who loves and believe in God. afterall, raising a child is not easy and takes a long commitment too. May you find peace and joy whatever happens. stay strong! hugs
Indeed, we need to make sure our body and mental state are strong before we embark on this journey. Take the time to heal and try hard again when you are ready! Remember to take supplements!
– Mrs 15HWW
Hello All, just an update I am starting my 4th IVF fresh cycle this September and I am looking forward to it. It has been a long long long journey since 2014 and I hope that year 2021 will bring about hope and happiness and baby to me and all mummies and daddies who are TTC. Lets share and spread the positive vibes. Wish me luck guys 🙂
Hi Mr and Mrs 15HWW, thank you for sharing your story with us! This has been very useful for my wife and I. We have been scheduled for our first IVF treatment with KKH this July and I was wondering if you can recall exactly on which days were you scheduled for the scans? We are hoping we can plan our leave application in advanced to minimise disruption from work. Thank you!
If there’s anything we have learnt from IVF, it is things will never go as planned. If you had read the full article, you would know that our IVF was delayed for many months due to unexpected events that kept cropping up. Many of the IVF milestones depend on your wife’s body cycle and how she respond to the medication, so there’s no way I can advise you exactly the days she will be scheduled for the scans.
My advice is to just keep the calendar empty and take a break. The more you plan, the more Murphy Law will work against you and make your journey more frustrating than it already is.
– Mrs 15HWW
Hi Mr and Mrs 15HWW, I started my IVF journey back in 2016. Did 2 fresh stim cycles. 1st cycle extracted 10 eggs, 6 fertilised, transferred 2 at D3 and the remaining only 1 made it to blastocyst and was stored. That year I was 34 so I decided to go for a 2nd round of fresh stims to extract more eggs while I’m still young, instead of transferring The only blast I had left.
2nd fresh cycle doc changed fr gonal-f to menopur but results were worse than 1st round and when I woke up fr ER, there were only 6 which 4 fertilised, doc transferred 2 again on day 3 and at the end of day 5, the other 2 didn’t make it also. And I also didn’t get pregnant fr the Day 3 transfer this round. That was Dec 2016.
So i Took a long 7 month break and pretty much didn’t think much abt TTC as much except going for acupuncture.
I read the motherhood forum and also scoured the internet for answers as everything that the doc checked I was physically fine and I began to wonder why nothing implanted.
Anyway long story short, I read abt dr Sheila Vasoo who is an rheumatologist and immunologist and decided to consult
Her to check if I had subfertility issues that the standard checks at KKH wouldn’t have found. Spent $2k on blood tests (it’s abt $1k at NUH) and was diagnosed with higher amt of natural killer cells and antiphosophilid syndrome.
So dr Sheila put me on blood thinners (as mentioned also by another post above) and vitamin D before I started on the FET for my last and only blast.
And also gave me steroids to numb my immune system a little so that my body wouldn’t try to ‘destroy’ the embryo. And I actually succeeded.
I’m not sure if it was entirely due to her treatment or was just pure luck. But anyway my boy just turned 3 last mth and now I’m embarking on my 3rd fresh round now and hoping I will get some blasts for transferring. But my doc suggests to try a round without the supplementary treatment from Dr Sheila.
I think I might if I yield enough blasts to slowly transfer over a few rounds.
Will see how my current round of stims pan out.
Anyways I have many friends who also got positive only from their last blast..so wish you all the best!
Try checking for subfertility issues if u haven’t yet!
Hi Yee, thank you for your recommendation. We did consider to see Dr Sheila Vasoo, but her fees gave us 2nd thoughts. Instead, we approached my doc in KKH to perform the tests. Seems like all is well except my thyroid level is on the low side, which we have since corrected with medication. An update to this article, we have gone through the last blast but alas, it’s still not the one. We have since gone private and will update you all soon.
– Mrs 15HWW
thank you for sharing your story, it made me tear :’) my husband & i just finished our 1st IVF cycle and it failed, we were heartbroken. i fully agree with what you said that the relationship between the couple ought to still remain strong with or without kids. just that, it can be quite tough in our asian society esp when we have been married for almost 6 years.
Mr 15HWW and I have been married for 10 years, we are still as happy, if not happier than before. We joke, poke fun at each other and challenge each other to do things outside of our comfort zone. Don’t let infertility define you and your relationship.
– Mrs 15HWW
Good things happen to good people! I’m sure it’s all gg to be worthwhile!- even though this was typed from the bottom of my heart I typed this without breaking a sweat. Saying it seems easy but accepting this seems so though..
I have read so many blogs on ivf and pregnancies but your thoughtfulness of sharing this with all of us is Amazing.. It’s really a reality check and also shows me how courageous both of u were .
I was diagnosed with PCOS and a few other complications.I have been TTC for the past 4yrs and I’m with KKH for fertility treatment now. No luck in 1yr of ovulation medication. Now taking another pill for menses so that we can do our HSG scan.
After that we should be gg for ivf briefing I guess. I really don’t know abt the timeline till I read ur blog.
We had told ourselves this is gg to be the last try as I can’t cope with this waiting game. But after reading ur experience I feel I should learn to be more resilient. I don’t know if I can even be as half as strong as you but definitely I feel so much better now.
I always have a question and feel very insecured to talk or ask this. People generally say things like ur just married for 3 or 4yrs it’s not very long.. some ppl wait for 10 or 12yr for a child.. this make me feel as though they are belittling the pain we go through mentally. And makes me hide whatever I feel because even families say these thinking they are motivating us. But it’s in fact demotivating. 😔
Hi Love, you are right, the wait is the worst part. I don’t mind the jabs, the trips to the clinic and don’t even mind the money we have to pay, but the wait is excruciating painful. Maybe you will be lucky and get pregnant on your first try at ivf! Do your best, but prepare yourself to face the worst.
– Mrs 15HWW
Mrs 15HWW, all i can say is FIGHTING！I am now in my TWW…2nd fresh cycle.
It isnt easy but we are strong to have taken this step towards IVF. Hope that everyone who are TTC will have their little miracle soon.
Going through my 2nd cycle now. You’re right. The wait after FET is worse than the jabs. Thank you for sharing your story. It somehow gives me alittle more courage in this ivf journey.
Hi, thank you so much for sharing! I have been TTC for about 5 years now, and diagnosed with a womb condition that causes abnormal thickening of the lining, so embryo implantation is challenging. Have been to multiple doctors and tried various things like fertility massage, injections etc. Gynae recommended IVF, but warned that chances are also not high (given the condition). Your post has helped me to become aware of what to expect at each cycle, and roughly how long it will take, along with some expectation of the mental and emotional swings. Thank you, it will help me to decide on the best course of action moving forward
I am going through my embro transfer. Before this procedure I am going thru stages of fear, anxiety like roller coaster. I don’t put much hope as I only have 2 eggs that are matured thru incubator.
Hi Mrs 15HWW,
I did my embryo transfer ytd. My embryo looks just like the photo in your post. Half collapsed. And my doctor told my just slightly more than 50% of the cells are surviving. They can still go ahead w the transfer. I did the transfer but I’m so worried. Is it a point of concern? Did you face the same comments?
New reader here! Came across this blog while trying to learn more about wealth. Didn’t expect to read about something so personal, TQ so much for sharing about the IVF journey. Many women struggle with fertility, pregnancy losses and we should talk about these more and support one another.
Wishing you both happiness and fulfilment always.
Hi Yixuan,
Thanks for dropping by and hope you enjoyed reading the blog.
I was apprehensive at first but seeing how motivated the Mrs was, I gave the go ahead to bare it all!
Thanks for your well wishes and wishing you and your family a Merry Xmas and a Happy New Year too!